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“I’ll figure this shit out.” Jack said slowly, clutching the datapad in her hand as she listened to Shepard. Hell, she wasn’t going to ask Miranda for shit, the last thing she needed was the bitch to invade her space and condescend everything Jack stood for—again. Oh it’d be a mighty surprise that there was someone out there who genuinely cared about Jack besides the wicked and the lost. As for Liara? Jack would think on it, she’d appreciate the help but this was something she needed to figure out alone, she was once a pirate and knew how to arrange coordinates and how to follow them using a small freighter or transporting ship. “Again, thanks. I’ll see what I can—I mean I’ll look over everything. It’s fucking overwhelming.”
“You don’t get it, I’m askin’ to leave so I can get to know who this woman is, if I’m here helping you I can’t help myself.” Jack’s voice was deep, but gentle at the same time. She wanted Shepard to understand perhaps this was the right moment to part ways. If Jack was going to discover who she truly was then she would have to travel the galaxy collecting the fragments of her past. “I’ll be fine, I’m still fucking here aren’t I? I’ve made it through hell and back and I’m still kickin’, it’ll take a lot for some motherfucker to take me out.” She said with a grin.
Shit. Jack still wasn’t understanding what she was trying to tell her, and Shepard didn’t know how to elaborate without just coming out and saying it. You don’t even know you’re mother’s alive, that Cerberus didn’t take her, too, or that she wasn’t with them all along. Hell maybe she donated her child to science because of whatever fucked up logic Cerberus had fed her or maybe she’d never been a fit parent to begin with. Venturing into the unknown was dangerous territory in this circumstance, and wanting to prepare Jack for the endless list of potential outcomes, while noble, was a tricky business. For one thing the biotic probably didn’t want to hear that things might not be ideal, and that was a huge problem. It meant that if things went south later, she might not be able to cope or have an extraction contingency. “I do understand that, Jack. What I’m saying is that you should look into this person, this stranger, before deciding that you even want to meet her. People have a way of letting you down in life, and I just…” She heaved a sigh and trailed off. “You know what I mean.”
Her talk about the dichotomy of either helping Shepard or helping herself was also troubling. Clearly Jack didn’t think she could do both– and she was right in some respects. If they died going through that relay, then she could never develop whatever relationship might be possible with this woman. “I’m sure you’ll have time to go meet her before we make the jump, if you still want to. But our mission here is important. We’re protecting lives here, Jack. Lives of people just like your mom, whoever she turns out to be. I just don’t want you to cast that aside to chase something that might not even be there.” She lifted her shoulders in an awkward shrug. It was hard to know the right thing in these sorts of situations. It felt like there was no winning.
tagged as: #subjectzerozerobullshit #The Convict
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“And, Cerberus isn’t going to deny you access to the rest of my files? Like my parental’s birth, my lineage?” Jack was jerking her hand every way and which way she could. Her thumb sticking out as she was trying to compile her thoughts all into one. She knew she came from Eden Prime, her mother was still alive but no location of her father. Damn, she could care less about him anyway seeing how he was never in the picture to begin with. But it would of been nice to know who he was, who she was for that matter.
”Yeah, yeah. I’ll ask him.” Jack’s thoughts were racing as she paced, stopping when she finally came to one conclusion. She’d leave now, as soon as she could. They had time right? Jack was unsure but the only thing on her mind now was to find her mother and figure out what happened, whether her mother was safe or hurt. If Cerberus had gotten to her and manipulated her mother until she had lost her mind, she would dismember every last member of that organization.
”So, when can I leave?”
Shepard spread her hands, palms up, and shook her head. “I gave you my access, which I’m sure is quite limited considering my feelings on Cerberus. I doubt they would let me do much damage. But you’re welcome to whatever I can access. It’s possible that Chambers can help you, I would say Miranda but…” She trailed off with a heavy sigh. “In any case, it’s more than you had before. I’d talk to Liara, too. I can give you her comm channel if you like.” She stiffened visibly when mentioning the asari. It was likely Jack might have learned from other crew members about her previous relationship with the other woman. Regardless, Shepard cleared her throat and continued.
She smiled when Jack asked when she could leave. “Well, aren’t you getting a bit ahead of yourself? Don’t you want to find out who this woman is, where she is, before you board the shuttle and head off into the unknown. I mean, I get it, I wish I’d gotten to know my own parents better before they died, but… maybe be careful?” She worried her cautionary words would upset the biotic, she was only looking out for Jack but sometimes the other woman didn’t know how to respond to that.
tagged as: #subjectzerozerobullshit #the convict
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“Full access, right.”
Jack chewed at her lip until she could faintly taste
copper, she caused her lip to bleed. Her tongue
dabbed at the small cut and the tattooed woman
ran her fingers over her face and crawled up towards
her hair line.“You’re a good fucking
person Shepard, I——”She found herself pacing, something she usually did
when she was feeling nervous, or anxious, even
agitated she paced."Say I find her, can I
get a shuttle?”
The commander nodded. "Yeah.” She’d said it in the prison, and she’d meant it. She doubted Cerberus would just let her go spelunking in all of their records, not with the number of skeletons in their closet. “I mean, there’s probably a limit to the Normandy’s access, but whatever we’ve got, you’ve got.” She waited for a reply from the other woman, watching her hands as they moved frenetically about her person.
The compliment took her aback. “Ehhh… I try.” She smiled at her, then watched Jack get up and being pacing at various rates of speed. It almost made her dizzy to watch. “You’ll have to ask Cortez for a favor, but as long as we don’t need it, it’s fine with me.” She shrugged. There was the small chance she wouldn’t come back, but after Pragia… she didn’t think the other woman would walk out on her.
tagged as: #subjectzerozerobullshit #the convict
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“Are you serious?”
Jack was a little more than surprised by this
gesture. It was…It was different and she felt
as if she found her place within Shepard’s
crew. This meant the world to her, to find
her mother, to figure out her past. To
understand her lineage, even if she
came from dirty, or wealth it meant a lot
to her.
Shepard gave a slight shrug of her shoulders. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be? If the information is there, then why not? I did say full access.” She was looking at Jack more directly now. The commander liked Jack. Despite her tough exterior and the penchant for violence, the other woman had shown Shepard that there was more to her than rage fueled biotics. If she could help her to see that about herself, Shepard would do what she could. And despite the risk that her mother might not be alive or wouldn’t live up to expectation, she figured it was worth it just to take steps towards healing.
tagged as: #subjectzerozerobullshit #the convict
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The commander touched fingers to her cheek, letting silence hang in the air a moment before speaking. “After all this is over, then… are you going to go find her? Your mother, I mean. I’m assuming there’s enough information in the file to track her down.” She was careful not to look directly at Jack, to be unobtrusive and casual.
tagged as: #subjectzerozerobullshit #the convict #thanks for the follow!!